How Not to Kill Your Child Chapter 9

Shut the door to keep the kid out or leave it open to let the cat in....that is the question?!

Miss me? People have expressed concern that my kids are actually behaving and thus my lack of posting. That is absolutely not the case. My kids are crazy as usual, it is just the same old stuff they get in trouble for, nothing new. Emma tackles her brother daily, has the attitude of a teenager and has turned into the naughty word police. When her Daddy used a naughty word for the second time yesterday, Miss attitude wanted to know if the Red Sox lost again. (Nah this time it was the Pats - poor guy had a rough sports day yesterday)

Nathan is into everything and anything and has turned from my sweet baby into a devil child. One morning started with his hands in the cat food, washed in the toilet and then in his own poop all within 1/2 hour!

His fascination with all things poop related has begun people. I came inside one evening to Phil screaming for help because Nathan pooped in our tub. Another evening I fielded a call in Target from my husband stating that he had to yell for Nathan not to put the bag in the toilet, while on the phone with work. Imagine the stares I got when I exclaimed out loud, "he put WHAT in the toilet?". I just love people staring at me too...gives you that warm and fuzzy feeling inside.


But this has all happened before in some form or another with Miss Em. Nothing I can't handle.

Today however I experienced a new one. Yes my friends I have experienced alot of poop with Emma, but she was only fascinated with her poop, not the cat's, or where the poop goes...aka the toilet. Nathan loves to try and scoop the litter and can often be found opening the toilet to play with the water. This morning Phil actually took cat poop out of the baby's hand and put it in the toilet. Later, Nathan was busy playing with a paint brush and pad that were left out to dry while I was cleaning up from the morning meals. I went into the bathroom and noticed the the cat poop from earlier was not flushed, so I flushed. In the few seconds that I went from the bathroom to the kitchen, a mere 5 feet, Nathan dashed from the laundry room, across the kitchen and into the bathroom in 3 seconds flat. I approached said bathroom and saw my son happily playing in the water. Upon closer inspection I saw the pad floating in the potty being stirred by a little hand containing the paintbrush.

Apparently Fisher Price missed the boat on the water table designed like a toilet. I mean who wants a boring old rectangle when a flushable bowl is so much more exciting!

I think I should keep the doors shut. Much easier to clean up a pile of cat poop than a potty flood. However, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!

Ok - but still

I was told they do this to prevent kids from grabbing and choking (Carolyn works at Toys R Us) - but still!

Dear FisherPrice

I happen to love your products, especially the Little People line of toys. They provide both my kids hours of fun and thus hours of sanity for me. I am curious however about your packaging.
You see after countless gifts from Christmas and Birthdays have scraped and bloodied my hands and broken my nails, I am wondering what exactly you are trying to achieve by securing these products like Fort Knox.

Is there really a problem with theft of Little People from each box? Does someone walk by and have an overwhelming need for a Little People cooler and must steal it? I mean I can understand if you want your products to look as appealing as possible in the box, but must you really use 14 twist ties to do so? Your company is known for tough, quality products, can't the cooler stay open with just 1 tie instead of 2? And while we are on the subject of twist ties, why is each one tied differently? I know the economy is bad and people need jobs, but do you really have 14 different people tying each twist tie? And what's up with the new heavy duty ones on the Little People person. I take it a regular strength tie is just not good enough for Sarah Lynn and friend.

Not only are my hands in pain from untying the 14 ties, my nails are broken removing the tape securing these ties. What happened, were people actually getting these items untied in the store and therefore you needed more security and decided tape was the answer? As if the above packaging was not enough, there are pieces twist tied and then inside a piece of box! These must be the equivalent of the Little People royal crown jewels. I mean to actually get these out of the packaging requires a major time investment.

Next I was hoping you could address the bullet/moth/fire/water proof plastic packaging that is protecting the sleeping bags. It is so tight to the box, I loose another nail. Are you concerned that Sarah may get cold while camping and if some Little People addict steals her sleeping bag, she may not survive a night in the wilderness. She is a plastic toy people!

I saved the pièce de résistance for last. Seriously? Do you hate parents, or just non-plastic people in general? When I finally get everything out of the box within the box (which were taped together by the way), and am so close to handing my anxiously awaiting daughter her new toy, there are twist ties through, around and underneath various pieces! It takes a person with amazing strength or a degree in the physics of straightening twist ties that are stuck inside plastic objects to remove these ties. Is that really necessary? Is there a major concern that the vehicle wheels will magically start spinning and said vehicle will drove off? What kind of people test your products, Batman?

I feel very strongly that using a thin plastic band that is easily removable would not only make your product display more pleasing to the eye, it may even reduce costs and sell more products. Let's be frank, it can't be all that cost effective to have so many twist tie experts. At the very least, maybe you can co-brand with J&J and include a couple of Band Aids.

Thank you for your time. In case you were wondering it took me less time to type this letter than it did to untie the camping set.

Rebecca Moussally

PS.
After I bandage my bloody knuckles, I plan to write another letter to homeland security, suggesting they contact your package design team for ideas on how to keep America safe. If you can't get to Sarah Lynn, there ain't no way anyone could get to the US.

How Not to Kill Your Child Chapter 8

Avoid picture Christmas Cards.

I am assuming you all received your cards or will soon, so now I can blog about the fun filled experience of how they were created. Now to give my kids credit, their mother has not leared a thing in almost 4 years. Why why why did I try to take the card picture the same day we went to see Santa?! I guess I was in the fa la la spirit...or maybe it was because Emma would not shut up about putting on her Christmas jammies.....and subsequently about not taking them off.

Task, get my 3 1/2 year old to hold her 2 1/2 month old brother and get them both to smile for the camera. Easy right? HELL NO! One would think that it would be the baby that was the problem....nope, he smiled alot. It was Emma. Miss diva herself. "Emma, just smile and keep looking at the camera while I get Nathan to smile." Eyes to the left. "Emma look at the camera" followed my stupid sounds to get Nathan to smile. Eyes to the right. "Emma the camera". Fake smile, and so on. Now Nathan starts slipping (note, leather chair not a good idea) and Emma decides to hold him "close" around the neck. Struggling for air ensues prompting Emma to announce she does not want to smile or hold Nathan any longer. Fabulous......repeat above directions with threats of no TV, or naptime, etc. Can you feel the Christmas spirit now? Can you feel the overwhelming love for my children? The butt shots came out ...good angle. Who needs faces and smiles?

So then the task of picking out a card. I had a good pic of their smiles and a good pic of their bottoms. So all I need to do is find a 4x8 photo card with a spot for 2 pics. So I searched shutterfly since I had a coupon and Snapfish since I use them for everything. Did you know that 1-9 pictures does not mean that you can do 2? Oooooo Nooo Nooo Nooo, it is 1, 3, 4 or 9! In fact there was not one card with 2 openings. So after an hour of searcing and dispensing holiday cheer in the form of curse words, I went back to the pics and got the best one I could find. My little faker and a baby who was sick of the flash!

Now on to the actual sending of cards. It really is a nice idea and all, but I am starting to think we send way too many. I mean I ordered 80 cards. Off go cards to Aunt so and so and friend of mother in law and step grandma with dementia who doesn't even know I have kids. Off go cards to people I have not seen in over 2 years. Off go cards to family members who barely even acknowledged I had a baby, or didn't acknowlege at all. Why you ask? Well I guess it is etiquette, but each year I really hate it more. I mean all the people I care about , you guys :), hear from me throughout the year, get pics of the kids often and actually keep in touch. I want to send them to you guys, however you see the kids pics all the time. So do you really need another one? Maybe we should just avoid cards all together and pick up the phone to wish each other a Merry Christmas. And all those other people will just have to ask if they want to see pics of the kids, or better yet come visit. Is this horrible of me?

Ah the holidays. The wonder and excitement of children really means the repetition of "how many days till Christmas", "Can we wrap presents?", " I want that", "Are we bringing presents to Grandmas?", "What do you like best about Christmas?", "What do you want for Christmas?", "You can get me ____.", "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy!" Thank the weight watchers Gods for giving each serving of alcohol points, otherwise Mommy would be in the bag...or Santa's sack, since it is Christmas.

Enjoy the outtakes. ( I deleted all the really bad ones ).....

Beware of Poopy Socks

Another poop story you say.....absolutely!

Nathan loves to poop on Mommy, well at least when Mommy is holding him. He only likes to actually poop on Aunt Kathy! So my healthy little boy has decided that pooping is fun and he must do it 3-4 times a day.

It is quite challenging to change a squirmy baby and keep the poop off the clothes. I was therefore pretty proud of myself for saving the expensive (yet kinda girly) outfit he was wearing. Nathan however had other ideas and decided to put his sock clad foot right in the dirty diaper. Then as I was holding the one foot away from the diaper, in went the other. So now I have a half diapered baby and two poopy socks.

May I recommend to all of you NOT to pull poopy socks off by the toes. Why you ask? Well socks have elastic and elastic snaps. If poop happens to be on the snappy item it may fly......right onto your forehead! Yup I hit a new mommy low and there was baby crap on my forehead! Not only was it there and I wiped it off, I missed some and when pushing my hair outta my eyes got a poopy hand. Yummy!

I think I may have gone through an entire box of wipes in one change....Babies R Us shall remain in business thanks to the Moussally clan.

Today started with poop at 2AM and 6AM....wish me luck!

Here's the outfit...what do you think?

Can you say Schmorgashborg? Better yet can you spell it?

Everytime I think about writing, life gets in the way. It is not like we have been very busy, it is just that there is alot of crap going on and it makes me tired. So here is a random account of all that has been going on in Becca land. Warning - rambling ahead.



Emma has been into weddings lately. Not sure why, but she has plans to marry her Daddy and told me that I would get a new ring when I marry Nathan. Somehow I don't have the heart to correct her. So we have to have the "dancing part" and she puts on classical music and we all have to dance our wedding dances, while here dolls and stuffed animals watch on chairs she sets up. Quite a production! So on our anniversary Oct 23, we decided to watch our wedding video with her. Yes I said video, 9 years ago, DVD recording was considered new technology. Let's just say that I never thought I looked old or my friends had changed until I watched the video. Holy mackrel I was a baby! Some friends/family look older, others thinner, fatter, prettier...well you get the point. There were so many people who had passed on and thought it was hard to see my grandmother, her happiness radiated outward that day adn I am grateful that I have it captured on film. Emma, surprisingly, recognized everyone! I am happy to say that the majority of friends that surrounded us that day are still a huge part of our lives.



Now I have been asked many times what I would have done differently, and I think the correct response is supposed to be "nothing at all, it was a perfect day". Yeah right. I was under the impression that if my parents were paying for it, then they called the shots. So many friends were not included on the guest list and my wedding party could have included so many others that were important to us. Unfortunately I can not go back, but I do think that someday we should have a big old celebration of our lives and invite everyone! So dust off some of those old bridesmaid dresses because you never know when an invitation may come in the mail . BTW Don Corne did dance at our wedding, so I consider the day almost perfect :)



Moving on.....for the 3rd year in a row, water damage has reared its ugly head at the end of October in our money pit of a house. Yuppers once again the walls came tumbling down in the downstiars bathroom and family room. The plumber was called and nothing. No leaky pipe, no punctured waste pipe, no easy fix. The assumption was ground water....WTF! Groundwater! As Phil and I stared at each other numbly, our dull eyes held this conversation "32,000 f-ing dollars of underground work and a new water line and it is groundwater." So the high tech plan was to wait it out and dry with fans and the dehumidifier (think we have done this before?). If it is groundwater from the miniscule amount of rain we had, then it would go away. At this point I asked both Phil and super-plumber Jim if it could be the dishwater or from upstairs....no no no no , not possible.



Low and behold no rain = more water. Again WTF!!! This can't be possible. So now the theory is that the water line might be leaking. Yup, the brand new water line we put in last November. Problem though - my brilliant hubby decided that the pipe would be safer if it was inserted into PVC pipe. Good thought, however if the thing leaks, you would never be able to find it. FABULOUS. So we actually got smart this time and called the water company before digging. They tested for chlorine in the leak - negative. If it was a leak from the main line it would have been positive. They also suggested we put a pipe in a 4 ft small hole. If water came bursting out of the ground, it was a leak. If it rose a bit but stayed in teh hole - no leak. The ground was bone dry. Bone dry! Guess it is not groundwater. THis is good news becuse it is not a result of the $32,000+ of work, but bad news because we have no idea what is leaking. May I remind you that the house needs to sell next year, and people tend to frown on homes that are leaking. So for peace of mind I ask Phil to look under the dishwasher just in case. Dishwasher is dry buuuuutttt Holy Water Batman the sink is leaking. That's right folks, the impossible is possible and there was a leak from upstairs. Straight down the wall and behind a gap in the cinderblocks supporting the chimney. So we now have a new faucet and a dry basement. Warped baseboards and some nicked up paneling and a hole in the bathroom wall the only evidence of a disaster....nothing paint and sheetrock can't fix.



Following this delightful event was major Carolyn drama, parent involvement in Carolyn drama, childish behavior between Carolyn and Parents, a disappointed little girl due to Carolyn drama, a discussion with a 3 year old on divorce, 2 sick kids, a decision to divorce, continued drama, parent/teach conferences and birth control from Dr. Hotty. Oh yeah and Halloween too!



A big shout out to Allison and Jenny who visited in the middle of Carolyn drama and helped us cope. Also, kudos to Meri who got the whole story Tursday night.



Notable quotes from my lovely 3 year old:

"I don't want to be like you Mommy. I wanna be like me and I want to be LOUD."

" When is Phil's mother going home."

"Dora's Mommy had 2 babies, why can't you?" My response: "Because Dora's Mommy has alot more money"!

Holy Crap!!!!!!!!!

Emma kept repeating that she was "really strong" so I looked up from the computer and Nathan was no longer in the bouncy seat. He was now on Emma's lap on the floor. HEEEELLLLLLPPPPP MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess I can't ignore her repeating anymore.