Beware of Poopy Socks

Another poop story you say.....absolutely!

Nathan loves to poop on Mommy, well at least when Mommy is holding him. He only likes to actually poop on Aunt Kathy! So my healthy little boy has decided that pooping is fun and he must do it 3-4 times a day.

It is quite challenging to change a squirmy baby and keep the poop off the clothes. I was therefore pretty proud of myself for saving the expensive (yet kinda girly) outfit he was wearing. Nathan however had other ideas and decided to put his sock clad foot right in the dirty diaper. Then as I was holding the one foot away from the diaper, in went the other. So now I have a half diapered baby and two poopy socks.

May I recommend to all of you NOT to pull poopy socks off by the toes. Why you ask? Well socks have elastic and elastic snaps. If poop happens to be on the snappy item it may fly......right onto your forehead! Yup I hit a new mommy low and there was baby crap on my forehead! Not only was it there and I wiped it off, I missed some and when pushing my hair outta my eyes got a poopy hand. Yummy!

I think I may have gone through an entire box of wipes in one change....Babies R Us shall remain in business thanks to the Moussally clan.

Today started with poop at 2AM and 6AM....wish me luck!

Here's the outfit...what do you think?

Can you say Schmorgashborg? Better yet can you spell it?

Everytime I think about writing, life gets in the way. It is not like we have been very busy, it is just that there is alot of crap going on and it makes me tired. So here is a random account of all that has been going on in Becca land. Warning - rambling ahead.



Emma has been into weddings lately. Not sure why, but she has plans to marry her Daddy and told me that I would get a new ring when I marry Nathan. Somehow I don't have the heart to correct her. So we have to have the "dancing part" and she puts on classical music and we all have to dance our wedding dances, while here dolls and stuffed animals watch on chairs she sets up. Quite a production! So on our anniversary Oct 23, we decided to watch our wedding video with her. Yes I said video, 9 years ago, DVD recording was considered new technology. Let's just say that I never thought I looked old or my friends had changed until I watched the video. Holy mackrel I was a baby! Some friends/family look older, others thinner, fatter, prettier...well you get the point. There were so many people who had passed on and thought it was hard to see my grandmother, her happiness radiated outward that day adn I am grateful that I have it captured on film. Emma, surprisingly, recognized everyone! I am happy to say that the majority of friends that surrounded us that day are still a huge part of our lives.



Now I have been asked many times what I would have done differently, and I think the correct response is supposed to be "nothing at all, it was a perfect day". Yeah right. I was under the impression that if my parents were paying for it, then they called the shots. So many friends were not included on the guest list and my wedding party could have included so many others that were important to us. Unfortunately I can not go back, but I do think that someday we should have a big old celebration of our lives and invite everyone! So dust off some of those old bridesmaid dresses because you never know when an invitation may come in the mail . BTW Don Corne did dance at our wedding, so I consider the day almost perfect :)



Moving on.....for the 3rd year in a row, water damage has reared its ugly head at the end of October in our money pit of a house. Yuppers once again the walls came tumbling down in the downstiars bathroom and family room. The plumber was called and nothing. No leaky pipe, no punctured waste pipe, no easy fix. The assumption was ground water....WTF! Groundwater! As Phil and I stared at each other numbly, our dull eyes held this conversation "32,000 f-ing dollars of underground work and a new water line and it is groundwater." So the high tech plan was to wait it out and dry with fans and the dehumidifier (think we have done this before?). If it is groundwater from the miniscule amount of rain we had, then it would go away. At this point I asked both Phil and super-plumber Jim if it could be the dishwater or from upstairs....no no no no , not possible.



Low and behold no rain = more water. Again WTF!!! This can't be possible. So now the theory is that the water line might be leaking. Yup, the brand new water line we put in last November. Problem though - my brilliant hubby decided that the pipe would be safer if it was inserted into PVC pipe. Good thought, however if the thing leaks, you would never be able to find it. FABULOUS. So we actually got smart this time and called the water company before digging. They tested for chlorine in the leak - negative. If it was a leak from the main line it would have been positive. They also suggested we put a pipe in a 4 ft small hole. If water came bursting out of the ground, it was a leak. If it rose a bit but stayed in teh hole - no leak. The ground was bone dry. Bone dry! Guess it is not groundwater. THis is good news becuse it is not a result of the $32,000+ of work, but bad news because we have no idea what is leaking. May I remind you that the house needs to sell next year, and people tend to frown on homes that are leaking. So for peace of mind I ask Phil to look under the dishwasher just in case. Dishwasher is dry buuuuutttt Holy Water Batman the sink is leaking. That's right folks, the impossible is possible and there was a leak from upstairs. Straight down the wall and behind a gap in the cinderblocks supporting the chimney. So we now have a new faucet and a dry basement. Warped baseboards and some nicked up paneling and a hole in the bathroom wall the only evidence of a disaster....nothing paint and sheetrock can't fix.



Following this delightful event was major Carolyn drama, parent involvement in Carolyn drama, childish behavior between Carolyn and Parents, a disappointed little girl due to Carolyn drama, a discussion with a 3 year old on divorce, 2 sick kids, a decision to divorce, continued drama, parent/teach conferences and birth control from Dr. Hotty. Oh yeah and Halloween too!



A big shout out to Allison and Jenny who visited in the middle of Carolyn drama and helped us cope. Also, kudos to Meri who got the whole story Tursday night.



Notable quotes from my lovely 3 year old:

"I don't want to be like you Mommy. I wanna be like me and I want to be LOUD."

" When is Phil's mother going home."

"Dora's Mommy had 2 babies, why can't you?" My response: "Because Dora's Mommy has alot more money"!

Holy Crap!!!!!!!!!

Emma kept repeating that she was "really strong" so I looked up from the computer and Nathan was no longer in the bouncy seat. He was now on Emma's lap on the floor. HEEEELLLLLLPPPPP MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess I can't ignore her repeating anymore.

How Not to Kill Your Child Chapter 7

Master the art of typing with one hand....

Hello all. I decided this weekend to attempt a blog with all my ramblings. Maybe this way they will stay organized in case I ever write a book ...doubtful, but at least I can find everything in one place.

I saw a few friends over the weekend that mentioned I hadn't done one of these in awhile. My response was that Emma was being a good girl....however she now has a brother!

For those of you who do not know, Nathan has some issues with pooping. Seriously, what is with my kids and poop? Anyway he will not go for about 36 hours and spends about 24 of them grunting and miserable. Unfortunately we have to "help" him along at times to make the misery end and then you get the mother load each time. FUN FUN FUN here in Moussally land. So he eats, sleeps and screams for most of the day. I was awakened at 2:30 AM this morning to said grunting and fussing. However each time I got out of bed he was sleeping through it...makes one of us. Feeding time wasn't for another couple hours, so I gave it at 3:45 and cuddled on the couch with my little man. Needless to say his sleep was fitful and I would wake every few minutes to put the pacifier back in his mouth. Up and time to eat at 7 and then I spent the rest of the day trying to get off the couch. Nathan had different ideas and each time he was put down would scream uncontrollably until I picked him up again thinking he was gassy or something. Ummm NOPE just wanted Mommy.

Finally the poor kid poops and I am like hallelujah I can finally get a break. My back and neck are killing me. Again, not so much. Nathan screaming then prompts Emma to scream for me to come get him and all hell just breaks loose. I often dream of locking myself in the bathroom and hiding in the shower until they both forget I am there....no such luck, Em is too smart. Carolyn called at 11 and then again at 2 and wanted to know why everything sounded the same as it did 3 hours ago! So since my running for Mom of the Year ended a long time ago I decided to do some laundry while my 6 week old laid on top of the "in use" dryer. He was happy as could be. Later on I let him scream for 15 minutes straight and let Em "watch" him, which consists of shoving the pacifier in his mouth and read him stories. Well he calmed down for about 10 minutes so I was psyched. I just put him down to type this about 5 minutes ago and he is working himself into a dither again. Fabulous. Looks like something microwaveable for dinner since Phil is working late and I am about ready to drop from exhaustion.....gotta go pry the preschooler off the infant now.

Ciao

PS. Thank God for Facebook....it only requires minimal typing! Although I suck at Scramble with one hand.

How Not to Kill Your Child Chapter 4.5

DO NOT PUT UP CHRISTMAS LIGHTS WITH THEM AROUND! Repeat this saying every holiday season until they are old enough to prefer the mall to being outside with you.

My theory is the part of the brain that miraculously dulls the memory of the pain of childbirth is the same part of the brain that forgets what a PITA putting up Christmas lights is. Add in a toddler who has discovered the word why and thrives on asking non-stop questions on repeat until she gets the answer she wants, and you have a reason to both not EVER reproduce again or put up lights. Each year this endearing task falls to me, since I have no choice but to operate on the "if you want something done, do it yourself" plan. This year I thought, hey maybe Emma would like to help. Apparantly I killed too many braincells in college because how stupid a thought was that? Imagine a tangle of lights and someone repeating Mommy every 5 seconds or so. Then as you are finally getting the lights to fit all your trees, "Mommy do you want to play with me?" To which you reply " when I am finished". Now instead of Mommy every 5 seconds I get "Are you finished yet?" Finally after screaming NO and telling her to go play with her car I have a few seconds of peace.

Now imagine you get to the end and have one more set of lights left. Picture the end of one plug with 2 identcally sized holes.....and the plug to the new lights that has one large and one small spoke (or whatever you call them). Enter child - "Are you done yet? Can you stop and play with me for a minute and then finish?" " Can I play in your car, I am cold?" "Can I play in your car Mommy?" "Please can I play in your car for a bit?" "Please can you let me in the car?" So after muttering "I am gonna f-ing kill you" under my breath I tell her to go inside if she is cold which then prompts screaming. Ahhhhhh Fa La La La La. Miss ADD then moves on to begging for a show so after agreeing to put one on after I finish the last bush (mind you I gave up on one with mismatched plugs and thus totally skipped it) we had an amicable few minutes.

A show is on, she has a sandwich and I am trying to regain some sort of holiday cheer. After all "Santa is watching" - which is another common phrase around here.

How Not to Kill Your Child - Chapter 6

The "experts" say that a child can regress once potty trained......Emma has been fully potty trained - night time too - for a couple months now and is doing great, so do you think the "expert" knowledge can be applied to cats? Just curious, because this morning I awoke to my husband standing at the end of the bed with a pile of something in a tissue in his hand, while I am petting said cat. "Guess what this is?"
Now for those of you who have seen me in the AM, I am not quite a morning person. I had already be woken up by Phil getting up to get ready for work. Then Emma bounds out of bed and wakes me up to find Daddy, because God forbid he is not the first person she sees. Maxie then jumps on the bed and as I roll over decides I must be up and ready to pet her. So as I try to wrap my groggy mind around the fact that it is already morning, and have yet to put my glasses on, the sound of a storm trooper stomping down the hall into the bedroom (some of you have experienced the phenomenon of Phil "walking" which is more like stomping
- although he does not agree) and presenting me with a riddle as to what is in his hand, was enough to get my very large pregnant butt out of bed. "Poop?" I say....."Yes she pooped on the rug under Emma's chair and I have no time to clean it up! This cat has got to go!" FABULOUS.
So kitty has been pooping on the rug lately over the past week. Once in the baby's room for no apparent reason and now twice on the rug in the dining room and 1 pee on same rug. Smells great I tell ya! Before I get my breakfast I spray and dab at the rug multiple times, take Maxie to her litter box and wash my hands twice. Cat has no food, which I attribute to the pooping so I feed her...does she get out of her basket to eat....of course not. Ok settling into the day, I am now on the couch in the living room reading US Weekly - Halley Berry would love to be pregnant forever, WTF is wrong with that girl. Keep in mind that the living room and dining room are essentially the same room....all of a sudden Maxie is scratching at the rug again. I start yelling but tooo late. The little fing poop has just pissed on the rug RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. Well I run after her yelling (lets be real I waddled down the hall) and she hides. Only to emerge and be tossed on the stairs and have the baby gate closed in her face, where she remains crying to this point. More dab and spray, dab and spray and wash hands. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
So I spent the weekend and this morning trying to come up with reasons Maxie might be pissed.
1. This all started around the tag sale....could she really be that upset that stuff that has been in the back of the attic for 4 1/2 years has been sold. Or that we are cleaning out all little girl clothes? Ummmm I think not. 2. Emma has decided she is old enough to scoop the litter......does Maxie somehow know this and disagree? Possible 3. I have not been up to my usual cleaning standards lately (shocking I
know) and the downstairs was a disaster. Feeling bad (and basically assuming I would not s^&t in the bathroom either since it was so dirty) I cleaned the downstairs bathroom, where the litter box is, top to bottom on Sat. Does that make Princess Kitty happy...apparently NOT. 4. We took the crib down....now she pooped in the baby's room before this.......could this be an issue? Possibly, but seriously get over it. 5. She finally realized Lexus is not coming back.....ummm HELLO it has been almost 3 months. Not that you cared when she was going away. You ran away. NOW you are upset?
So frankly we have no idea what is wrong with this cat. Needless to say if she keeps crying non-stop she may not make it much longer. Emma keeps telling her that it is ok...accidents happen. Now how to explain to a 3 year old that when you piss on purpose outside of pissing receptacle...it is not an accident.
Why is someone always pooping in the wrong spot around here??? Why?
I think I will go waddle around Wal-Mart for some retail therapy and more rug cleaner.


Suggestions?
Hope all is well with all of you....and may your day be poop free.

How Not to Kill Your Child Chapter 3

So there are a lot of childless people out there and older people who forget, that have many opinions on how to raise a child and about potty training. Seriously, someone needs to teach these people how to refrain from stupid comments. You know the ones that start with ”You never did that so I can’t help you” or “You can’t just stop potty training or your child will be just like everyone else trained at 3 or 4.” “Just tell her she is not a baby”…..Ummm thanks people. You can all go hang out with the people that tell me my daughter is a doll and so cute. Those people are the ones I am recruiting for babysitters …..

For those of you who know Emma, normal or just like everyone else are words I would never use to describe her. Can she go on the potty? Yup. Does she get the concept? Yup. The problem in my opinion, she is too freakin lazy. The kicker lately is that she seems to have given up napping. During this time in her room she has to go potty, then feels the need to remove her pull up or diaper by herself and make sure the potty gets all over her room. Could someone just shoot me now?! This combined with her ignoring me, not listening to a word I say and her favorite phrase “go away Mommy” has me physically restraining myself from reaching for the bottle of tequila at least 3 times a day. Since alcohol intake while watching children is generally frowned upon in society I have instead regressed down to her level by screaming right back at her. Unfortunately this usually just makes her get louder and the all out tantrum complete with kicking and hitting ensues.

So the next suggestion from the baby rearing powers that be is to remove yourself from the child and room for a few minutes. These geniuses forgot to add in a section on what to do if they follow you and can unlock and open doors? One of my friends hides in her pantry for a few minutes and like most kids, her child can not open the door. Not Emma. Oh no, she needs to follow me screaming the whole time and if I am luck enough to have a closed, unopenable door in front of me, proceeds to throw her little body against it in frustration.

How do you not kill your child? Pretend to cry. She then concentrates on making me fell better for a minute. Email or call people with kids or Get a bi-polar one like mine who is manipulative enough to hug me and tell me I am her best friend right before I reach boiling point.

Some of those older people mentioned in the first paragraph tell you that 2 is such a fun age. I think these people hit the bottle of tequila one too many times. Then they want to know when the next one is coming………

PS. I just picked up the little &^%$^&& room and she is destroying it (you know instead of NAPPING!)